Domestic Violence has received a great deal of public attention recently.  We hear about it on television almost every day, and most of us now know someone who has recently been a recent victim of domestic violence.  In the vast majority of cases, it is the man who is physically abusive to the woman.

       Domestic violence is never acceptable.  But, it has been my experience that the longer a woman is abused and the worse that she is abused, the more likely she will stay with the abuser.

       Sometimes a woman will come into my office for a divorce after an especially bad beating.  She will tell me about years of abuse.  This is the woman who is likely to call back within a few days or weeks and say she has reconciled with her abuser again.  Usually the man has approached the woman with flowers and candy.  He says he is sorry: it will never happen again.  She goes back, and the abuse starts all over again.  In fact, the abuse worsens as times goes on.

       I can tell you about dozens of cases where a woman has been abused and then gone back to the abuser.  One story stands out in my mind:  A woman came to me after years being abused.  She and her abusive husband had several children.  He would beat both her and the children.  One day, in an attempt to murder his family, set fire to the house that the wife and children were in.  The family got out of the house in time.  The woman went to a shelter for abused woman and came to me for a divorce.

       After several weeks, she was charmed by her abusive husband once again and went back to him.  Although the state agency considered taking the children away from them, they did not.  A few weeks later the woman called me to tell me that her husband was beating her again.  As far as I know, she never did divorce her abusive husband.

       Sometimes the abused woman says that she does not want to leave because of the children.  I ask, what type of childhood these children have in situations.  Such children generally grow up to have many problems themselves.  The girls will tend to stay with abusive men, and the boys will tend to become abusers.

       Again, from my experience, it is usually the man who is physically abusive, although I have known an occasional woman to be the physically abusive individual.  I have known woman who poured hot wax into a man’s ear while he slept and another woman who stab a man in the chest with an ice-pick.

       Although physical violence is the most dangerous type of violence, mental abuse is also harmful.  It should not be tolerated, either.  When it comes to mental cruelty, men and women can be equally cruel.

       If you or someone you know is in abusive situation, I urge you to get help.  As soon as physical abuse takes place, call the police; make a report, press criminal charges.  Go to Family Court for an order of protection.  Although an attorney is not necessary, you may find it easier to have an attorney help you get an order of protection.  The Criminal Court can also issue an order of protection.

       To get an order of protection, go to Family Court in the borough or county in which you live.  I suggest arriving at Family Court by 9 a.m.  Plan to spend most of the day there.  You will be asked why you want an order of protection.  Describe the most recent incidence as well as other examples of the abuse that you have experienced.

       You will then be given a temporary order of protection, which must be served upon your spouse.  You do this, with a police office at your side.  A few weeks later, you an d the person you are seeking an order of protection from will appear in family court for a determination whether the order of protection should be extended for a longer period time.If you are the spouse who has been served with a temporary order of protection, you will do well to seek legal counsel.

       Although an order of protection is far from guarantee of protection from an abuser, it is the best protection offered by law.  The abusive spouse knows that violating it is likely to result in an arrest by the police and a night in jail.  This is usually enough motivation to keep the abuser away.

       Every police precinct has an officer assigned to handle domestic violence.  If you are being abused, call that officer.  In addition, you can call the office of your district attorney.  In Brooklyn, for example, the telephone number of the Domestic Violence Bureau at the district attorney’s office is (718) 250-3300.  For the Domestic Violence Hot Line call (800) 621-HOPE.

       For information concerning child abuse you may want to call the Administration for Children’s Services at (718)-488-5455.  To report child abuse and maltreatment call (800) 342-3720.  If the child is in foster care, call the Office of Confidential Investigation Unit at (212) 385-5541.  After 4pm on working days, on weekends, holidays call the following telephone numbers for emergency children’s services: (212) 966-8000 and (212) 966-8005.